Week #12 Divorce and Remarriage

After reading these two chapters I realized that most people including myself neglect to think about the possibility of getting divorced or losing a spouse because forget to take into account that things happen that are out of our control. These chapters real made me think as to whether I would want to remarry if I lost my spouse in the future or get a divorce which I feel is would be my last resort. Only if my spouse cheated on me that would be something I would not be willing to forgive. This chapter really hit home for me because I had a complicated relationship during my freshman to junior year in high school in which I my girlfriend cheated on me and then had a baby by someone else and she tried to tell that it was mine, but she later admitted that it wasn’t and it tore me apart inside.  This has affected my relationships and perspective on dating drastically. I am less trusting and do not open up to others as much as I use to because of fear of being hurt again. This experience has changed my life forever. I do not think I could ever talk to someone with kids or be a stepfather because I fear that I would put my heart in the right place have the child grow up and say that you’re not my father would kill me.  I really liked this chapter because it explores the myths that most people continue to believe in. I just hope that I when I do decide to marry that I will do it right the first time so that I can avoid the complication and confusion this is a part of remarriage with kids and emotional baggage.

Week #11 Parenting

What stood out to me the most this week was that although it is important to garner as much as possible about enriching one’s family we cannot and should not forget to be attentive to the promptings of the spirit. We have to be obedient to receive such marvelous advice and revelation. Another concept that stood out to me was the fact that we as parents or potential parents have to establish or teach our children by allowing and encouraging them to explore and try new things (experiences) to enable them to grow both spiritually and mature mental/ socially.  The final thought that I would like to point out from the class discussion is the fact that when parents try to get rid of an undesirable behavior that their child has they do not realize that it is an secret attempt to get their psychological needs met so we as parents have to meet our children at their level sometime instead of just pushing them away or punishing them. We have to be like the Savior in the since that he still loves us despite the many mistakes that we make.

Week # 10 Fathers and Finances

What stood out to me from this reading and the class discussion was the reemergence of the importance of our gender roles and the proclamation. Although women have gained more independence and somewhat equal rights in the workforce their primary role according to the family proclamation should provide and care for their children. It is still vital that they should do their best to get an education in case an incidence should occur so that they can provide for their family as a backup plan. The chapter discusses the challenges of dual incomes families. It essential states that those who engage in such a situation that it is basically counter product in the goal in which they want to work to have more money and resources.  It also talks about the fact that it puts too much stress and responsibilities on a mother to do both work and be a successful mother.

Father’s like mother are crucial to the socialization and psychological well-being of their children. There are many contributions the father brings to the table or family in this case, active fathers not only provide for their children’s necessities, but they also bring security and comfort for both their sons and their daughters. They provide their sons with an ideal model of what it means to be a male whereas they provide their daughter with an example of how their husbands should be or treat them. These active fathers also are able to provide their children with financial resources which as an effect provide their children with better opportunities in life would be generally not be available. In addition, the father provides another parenting style which provides them another model of how to resolve conflict between their two parents working together to get an issue resolved this will set the precedent in their little lives. I would love to see how my life would be different if my father would have fulfilled his responsibilities how my life would be different.

Week # 9 Communication and Mutal Problem Solving

What stood out to me the most from this week class discussion, my readings from my marriage class and class preparation was the concept that communication alone cannot save an individual’s marriage. According to Gottman wrote the seven principles for making marriage work.  He Discussed the Post- Marriage Culture 6 myths that most people have which are:

1.       Divorce is usually the best answer for kids when a marriage is unhappy.

2.       Marriage is the key to saving all marriages.

3.       Marriage is mostly about children. If you do not have kids, it doesn’t matter whether you cohabit, marry or stay single.

4.       Marriage may be good for men, but bad for women.

5.       Old fashioned beliefs about marriage and material obligation put women at risk for violence.

6.       Marriage is essentially a private matter, in which no outsider including children should interfere.

From our class discussion I learned that both nonverbal, tone, and the words themselves play a key role in how we behave from our relationship.  We interpret 14% of the words that we hear from others, 35% when it comes to tone, and a majority of what we base our decisions on is the nonverbal cues which equal 51%.  Decoding is the biggest challenge that we must overcome as an effect this will help us prevent confusion.  I wish there was a class on just encoding and interpreting the conversations so that we can adequately express ourselves.

Week # 8 The family Under stress

What stood out to me this week from the reading were the six stations of divorce by Paul Bohanna. They were important in the fact that once an individual can identify such a problem they can combat such problems and signs. The Six Stations of Divorce were:

1.       The emotional divorce involves a loss of trust, respect, and affection for each other.

2.       The legal divorce in which a court official bring the marriage to an end.

3.       The economic divorce involves settlement of the property. This is the division of property.

4.       The co-parental divorce is experienced by those with children which are about two-thirds of all couples. When couples have to fight for custody, visitation rights, and continuing parental responsibilities. This I would have to say would be the most triadic part of marriage because you have to fight for the rights to care come of a little life that the two of you created together.

5.       The community of Divorce-which means that an individual has to branch out and develop new friends.

6.       The physical divorce- when an individual has to recreate a new life and identity.

There are so many reasons as to why an individual might file for divorce.  In this chapter it talks about sociodemographic factors such race and religion.  I thought that it would be a particular act that would destroy a marriage not other factors.

The chapter also identifies ways in which to prevent the divorce from taking place such as: continuing to our church meeting because if an individual attends these meetings faithfully he or she has to come to the realization that the covenant that they made was not only to their spouse, but to the Lord as well. With that being said they will both pray more causing them to look more internal for the causes of the strife between instead of blaming their partner. Another concept form this is the fact that they can give their problems up to a higher power and as they pray for a solution they can receive an answer together creating a sense of “weness” against the world strengthen their relationship.